Understanding self-esteem (1)

Self-esteem is related to what you think and believe about yourself and how you value yourself. Building self-esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a more fulfilling life.
Health self-esteem increases your confidence. If you have confidence you will respect yourself. If you respect yourself you can respect others, improve your relationships, respect your achievements and increase your quality of life.

Poor Self-Esteem vs. Healthy Self-Esteem

Low self esteem causes unhappiness, insecurity, a lack of confidence and in time can lead to depression. Inner criticism, that nagging voice of disapproval inside you causes you to hesitate at any new challenge life seems much harder that it should be. 

In psychology, self-esteem or self-worth is a person's self-image at an emotional level; circumventing reason and logic. The term differs from ego in that the ego is a more artificial aspect; one can remain highly egotistical, while underneath have very low self-esteem:
People with poor self-esteem often rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. Even then, the good feeling (from a good grade, etc.) can be temporary.

Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations. Self-esteem is largely developed during childhood.

Childhood experiences that lead to healthy self-esteem include:

• being praised and valued
• being listened to
• being respected
• getting attention
• experiencing success
• having good and close friends

Childhood experiences that lead to low self-esteem include:

• being unfairly and harshly criticized
• being physically, mentally or emotionally abused
• being ignored, ridiculed or teased
• having parental expectations of perfection
• experiencing failures

People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences were failures of their whole self.

Three Faces of Low Self-Esteem

Most of us have an image of what low self-esteem looks like, but it is not always so easy to recognize. Here are three common faces that low self-esteem may wear:

The Impostor: the person who acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.

The Rebel: the person who acts as if the opinions of others, especially people who are important or powerful, don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.

The Loser: the person who acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships.

How to develop a healthy self esteem

Hypnosis programs designed to increase your self esteem

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